Mood: wow, im tired, but anyway....Saturday was the most fun ive ever had. It was like a dream. Ok me eden katie james and pj hung out at my house until 4, then i left to go pickup ryan...everyone else stayed at my house. ok so we got ryan at seth's house and since i hadnt seen him since...a while ago, i was like taken back by him. This car ride was a bit akward since we had not talked in person for a while. Then my mom stopped somewhere to get something and we started cracken jokes and what not. So then we got back and while i was gone eden and pj had "something" going on. Poor katie who talked in. Well we sat in my basement for awhile and talked and....then...ryan and i...uhh...this is the dream come true part. Until 9:30 he was in my basement...hehe. He confided in me and told me something...and it was so hard not to cry because of what he told me...i didnt know what to say. It gave me this feeling in my stomach like i wanted to throw up. Just the ditest of how could someone do that to the boy the was in my arms...after that i didnt wanna let go of him. To bad i had to. So anyway, 9:33 we had to stop and he had to go..tear tear...Before he left i stopped him on the steps and kissed him..Im so glad i did. I knew it would be the last time i could be intimate with him....good things never last its a proven fact of life. So we drove him home la de da. Katie and eden spent the night, and i fell asleep early because i was drop kick tired. So then i talked to ryan i guess sunday night, and he told me there was this other girl he liked...sooooo...i didnt care. I figured it was to good to be true so i told him to go out with her because i just wan him to be happy... I think he needs a girl thats like emotional right away...damn i wish i wasnt so overprotective of myself.....Ive got so many personal trust issues...seriously i havent even told eden and katie the half of it. So yeah, i took it ok. Im hurt, but not really. Ryan is still my friend and he always will be and if hes not ill beat him up hahaha...ah but i still like him alot and i really do wanna go out with him. Thats ok i need to shut up. but now to friday. Friday was my friend seth's bday. Hes 17 now! yay. so eden katie and i went to denny's where seth works, we got there at 6 and stayed till 9:30. We watched him work and he occasionally stopped by to chat. Then when he got off we got in my moms car, seth included, we dropped katie off and drove around a little. Then we saw alot of cop cars, i think seth attracts the cops...Someone nailed a phone pole and was killed. But anyway, we went back to my house and seth jammed on the guitar and we talked alot about it. eden was lost as always. haha..After that we took seth home and eden spent the night. Then i woke up she left and i was supposed to go to band practice for the band seth ryan and someother cool kids...But of course last minute my mom tells me i gotta go to a party for my cousin finishing college and getting her degree...it was boring as fucking hell. I wanted to be with them....OH WELL...so then we picked Ryan, Seth, Duffy and Billy (his name is andrew but i call him billy because i can) we went to the show and it was all EMO...ryan was mad. haha...but..ah i dont know. i gave him my DK patch so maybe it helped.....so then i was talking to billy and ryan was giving me looks...i dont know what they meant, maybe i just had my hair sticken up...haha. Then he told me he didnt wanna hurt me in the mosh which sucked ass cuz thats the only reason why i went was so i could mosh, and no one would mosh BECAUSE IM A GIRL...what the hell! grrr i hate it so much i can never have any fun. Oh well....maybe next time ill cut my hair real short and dress more like a guy than usual. MAYBE then i can mosh!!!!!!!! ah but i shouldnt be mad.....he was just trying to protectme....gr oh well. so then we went home and had a fun car ride...my mom bought ryan cigerettes...crazy man! then the cops came for a domestic call...Im tellin ya, a car ride with seth WILL have cops involved...so thats the end of that. haha tomorrow is the secret puddle land trip..SHHH ITS A SECRET

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