Get your own
 diary at DiaryLand.com! contact me older entries newest entry
2003-08-21, 4:18 a.m.

~~alone and no one knows it~~

Mood: Alone and no one knows it

Even tho i say Im ok and it doesnt hurt and im fine, it still happened and mentioning it or thinking about or hearing someone else has been thru it makes me cry.........i cant live with it anymore its not invisible. The fact is it did happen..I cant deny it..but its not my fault....i know its not but i cant help but feel like it was. I just wanna slap myself right now....Either way i still havent told anyone the true story, whats happened....not all of it, not yet. Im alone in this and until i decide to tell someone i will remain alone..but i dont want to tell anyone. ah! Eden just hung up. She asked me why i got quiet...I couldnt tell her i was crying. Shes only seen me cry once and it was dark. I just want to cease all feeling for anyone or anything or myself alltogether. I was so happy 18 minutes ago...until i read a song in my diary about it....But it was good...Ive never just broke down and cried about it. I guess i needed to. Not to gloat..but i have a way with words. Wether it be in poetry or verbally, im not to shabby with it. Alot of people tell me that. I think its because of that..Mental pain defines mental ability. J told me that before...hes the only one that knows the whole story, i guess because he was around sorta. My heart is racing.......... Im not going to be able to sleep.....

previous - next

about me - read my profile! read other Diar
yLand diaries! recommend my diary to a friend! Get
 your own fun + free diary at DiaryLand.com!
Free Hit Counters
Tan Through Swimwear