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2004-01-08, 1:00 p.m.

~~My breath materialized again~~

Mood: depressed

I got done typing my business letter early...like 20 minutes early. I am a fast typer. I have been thinking about alot of things today...namely, becoming a nihilist...Well not really becoming one, thats pretty harsh. But what they are about. I dont know anyone who is..but the idea is pretty cool to me. I concluded myself a while ago there is no god...But what about everything else? What about being nothing? I really need to think about it more. I wonder if nihilism includes love? I believe in that. Well, as of now I do. I used to not believe in anything...destiny, miracles, love, trust....it all was nonexitstant to me. Funny how one person can change everything. oh well... As for today it hasnt been that great. Its been boring and tired. Lindsey and Andrew are getting back together. She thinks they are. I havent talked to him...but this isnt my business and I'm staying out of it. I hope everyone is happy in the end. I'm not happy right now....I dont think anyone could help me. Its so sudden too. Lately, I've just had this intense feeling of depression. Only one to blame is myself. Im sure the Anti-Flag show will arouse some energy in me. Holding the tickets made me excited. Really excited. They are green and shiny and smell like ink. I rented sonic heroes last night. I like it, and im going to buy it soon. But it hasnt cheered me up as much as i it too. I shouldnt push all my happiness onto a video game. But I'm trying. I think I'm jus going to go home and be alone. I need some alone time. I dont want it...but i really want to think about nihilism more. The subject makes my mind race so fast and I cant think about anything else...especially being sad. I shouldnt be sad. I have nothing to be sad about. I should have fight club with TrendY until Cookie is on the floor laughing. Ah, good times.

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