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2005-08-09, 5:08 a.m.

~~It's easy, like a 50 foot fall...~~

Mood: Druggie

I am on tons of painkillers. Not so much tons, just enough to make my face not hurt. From this whole expirence, I think I will get anorexia.

Thursday is going to be alot of fun.

So is Otakan. I don't know how to spell it..

Justin is telling me I have ignored him all night and he's upset because of it. I honestly don't know what the fuck I am supposed to do. Someone breaks your heart- but still expects certain aspects of a relationship from you. I'm sorry, but I don't cuddle with people who make me miserable. How the hell am I supposed to move on and be independent if he still tries to shelter me. Whether it's control, or pure stupidity, I don't like it. Either love me, or let me alone. I never even want to have anything to do with him. Any relationship would end up like that one, unless I agreed to have no social life or self esteeme. Seriously, you don't tell the person who is supposedly your soul mate that she looks horrible in makeup and has ugly hair. It's just. Not. Cool.

I haven't been in a really depressed mood in 2 weeks. This is a good thing. I have also had reason, for once, to be happy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know I have tons of reason, I just am down on myself and choose to ignore those when I am sad or angry.

I really regret deleting all those entries when Justin read this. I was on a rampage, what can I say? I wonder if Shake has the overdose entry saved. That was some hardcore shit that I'd like to remember. I've had this for almost 3 years. Random deleteing rampages shouldn't happen. I deleted a whole fucking year. God. Makes me want to throw myself down the steps.

Or drink some more grape soda.

Unf. The citrus burns my mouth. God damn wisdom teeth. Now that they're gone, I won't be getting anymore migranes.

I am so torn right now, I don't even know how to explain it. I should probably talk to someone. I don't know who. This is what I get for not being close to people. I'm changing that now, no worries.

And now I need to fall asleep. My brains hurt a little bit.

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