Mood: Sick.

I can't sleep.

I'm trying to seperate myself from Justin alot more.

Luckily, when I think I need him, he rejects me and makes me feel worse.
Example:

I was reading and drifted off..it's about 4am. He's in his room. I'm in mine. I get scared and see if he is awake and willing to talk to me. His door is locked. I knocked. He answered, got pissed. I was crying and asking him to talk to me. He said to settle down and go to sleep. Everytime I said a word, he hushed me.

So.. I end up on the computer. No one is on anyway. I'd be better off in bed.

I had alot of stuff to do today. I just decided I'm not doing any of it. I'm sorry I'm selfish, but I'm not the one who decides whether I live or die, trust me.

Heh. I'm not even the one who decides where I go and what I wear. Fancy that.

I just want someone to hold me and tell me I'm not as much of a waste as I feel to be.

I want to go back to when Justin actually made me feel like I was wanted and.. ... ...

Empty wishes. It's really not worth it. Forming human relationships isn't worth a damn thing. They just die or turn on you.

Although I do feel horrible that the only person I want to be around and wants me around.. I can't be around. I'm too... I can't be close to people. It doesn't work. No. Bad. /Sigh.

I want to. But I can't. Mental. Stress.

I want to throw up. And fall asleep reading Eldest. And have a complete shift of chemical balances. Or whatever the hell is going on up there.

Yay for journals and venting!!!!

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