Mood: ..

An e-mail I wrote to Andrew. I didn't feel like writing anything original in here.

I have alot on my mind.. Nothing extremely notable, I just feel like it's worth sharing with someone who could understand. Feel free to not read if you want. You're not on AIM..Sleeping, no doubt. You have school tomorrow, and I forget that alot.

Bouncing Souls glaring in the background and I can't feel anything else but
aware. Awareness of everything surrounding me including the dreaded
nature seeping up from the warm earth outside.

Warm earth. Hippy at heart despite coming off as a total heartless prick.
Although I sit, and ruin my brain with computer games I
further dub "happiness", I can't help but be fully enticed by the
notion of complete contentment.

The day will unfold, and I may or not stay at my current emotional
elevation. Unsure whether that worries me or makes me chuckle due to
no longer caring so much.
It feels at times that I shouldn't worry about my feelings, and only
live for others.
Human emotion and thought. Pathetic.
When is said and done, I will be in the ground with no memory of an
existance.

A butterfly landed on my window pane. Black with glitters of blue
throughout the wings. Something from a novel only read once and
placed back on a dusty shelf. Nostalgic in a certain way that you
wouldn't dare reread a masterpiece with no equivelant.
I wonder where he is going and where he has been. I wonder if he, is
in fact a she and unrelentlessly attempting escape from her suiters.
Is she beautiful to another butterfly, or is she only an angel in my
mind.
When she flew away, was it because it was time to move on naturally;
or did I influence her decision.

Reminds me of relationships. How many times did they just move on,
and when was it me pulling the strings of influence. I think Tom
Petty put it nice and blunt when he proposed the lyrics "You don't
know how it feels to be me."
Followed nicely by "Let's get to the point, and smoke another joint."
My existance thus far has been mellow emphasized by occasional drama
that never really centers around me, but somehow always pulls me in.
I feel like I am losing Ben and Krista.. but which option is it?

Too many thoughts, too much awareness. A good day, riddled with
question and concern. An oxymoron statement, and yet it holds true
the properties I wish it to.

/sigh.

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