Mood: Cold

I keep trying to pinpoint the cause of recent anxiety. It's the worst I've had in years, and also the most random. I'll sleep for a few hours, and wake up to chest pains and quickening heart rate. Then I am unable to go back to sleep for hours. I haven't had any panic attacks, and I would like to avoid that.
Then, about 10 minutes ago, Dustin went on some rant regarding smoking weed and how it's better than drinking. My lungs shrank, my eyes began to burn, and I felt the room going white. My anxiety gets bad whenever I'm with someone. I get more attached as the relationship progresses, and allow their actions to impact my emotions more and more. And it makes me sick that he seems to quote Justin. "I'm not like everyone else" "I like it better than drinking because it doesn't make me sick". Justin promised he wouldn't smoke weed, either. That ended really, really well. (sarcasim) It didn't bother me when we first started dating. It was actually amusing.. But then he became better friends with Lexzy (whore spelling, no lie) who is smoking every night, and inviting him to do the same. ((Honestly, she's waste of human life, but that's not my issue.)) He said he doesn't understand. And I can't expect him to. He's seen my dad mad once. He was never there when Ralph would beat myself or my mom senseless. But I really wish he would understand how it affects me.

And despite my strong beleif, I want to go see the doctor about anxiety medicine. I'm crying as I type this. I can barley breathe.

I probably just shouldn't be with anyone.

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