Mood: Confused.

I don't understand what's going on.

I can't control my emotions.

This happens every year at the exact same time.

But this time it's lasting longer...
And the fact that what this Christmas could have been but obviously won't be is tearing me apart. And I don't know how to get over it. Not a tiny bit. It worries me a lot.

I tell myself over, and over that no matter how much I want to, I can never do that again. It'd be wrong. To my parents. To Cecelia. To Eric. To Gloria.... but it just feels so right...

I know I'll get over this. I know it'll be okay. I know I don't need to see a doctor.

......it's just so hard.........
..And the only person that understands couldn't care less if I lived or died... If they even do understand....probably lying just like everything..else...

I'm terrible at checking my e-mail and updating this.

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